


Fender Bender

by Rhaized



Category: His Dark Materials (TV), His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: But who cares because Boreal is rich and literally selling pieces of the Berlin Wall like okay, Driving, Electric Car, Fender Bender, Gen, Marisa is really in over her head, Missing Scene, Season 2 Episode 5, Times Two Actually, kind of a crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28432455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhaized/pseuds/Rhaized
Summary: As Marisa takes Boreal's car to go visit the mysterious scholar named Mary Malone, she has some trouble and (perhaps inevitably) gets into a little fender bender.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24





	Fender Bender

**Author's Note:**

> Marisa driving Boreal's car is a continual beacon of amusement in our discord server, and I felt inspired to write a little something here thanks to many jokes about it with @birdnut95. Also inspired by this post I saw on Twitter 😅 https://twitter.com/Rhaized1/status/1344289541658718214?s=19. I had to do some research for this, and apparently a lot of people indeed DO have a hard time learning how to start the car, which makes this even more perfect: https://www.motorbiscuit.com/only-tesla-model-x-owners-know-these-features/
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy this missing scene dashed with some canonical divergence (although...I really do think she banged up that car somehow!!! At least a bit!).

As Marisa eased herself into Boreal's smooth, shiny car, something named "Tesla X," she hesitated. There was a big screen flickering at her as she sat down in the seat. It was shiny and mesmerizing in the way the technology of this world was, gleaming with an almost innate intelligence and consciousness that just didn’t seem natural. She’d seen Boreal start the vehicle earlier but hadn’t really been paying attention. She now wished that she  _ had _ been.

“What is the trick?” she asked aloud, looking for the ignition. The cars of her world had an ignition where you inserted the key and then turned it on like a switch. She saw no such configuration here, however, nor any other buttons that looked like a way to start it. 

_ Was this some kind of sick joke? _ Marisa wondered as she kept looking around the car. There  _ had  _ to be a way to start it. She checked around the steering wheel and then around the center console. There was nothing. She checked around the pedals, too, but it all looked so profoundly boring and regular and entirely unhelpful.

If the monkey were here, he’d probably sneer at her and chuckle as she struggled like a helpless child. He might also have been able to help, though, and squeeze his deft little fingers into crevices she couldn’t reach to see if there was a damn switch or something hiding that she just couldn’t see. But he wasn’t here with her. She had to do this on her own, as she  _ certainly  _ wasn’t going to go ask Boreal (who was, as she could see from her peripheral vision, staring at her from behind the front door). She’d quite literally rather die, rather get swept up into the ocean or run over by a truck. She would  _ not  _ submit to him. She was not  _ lesser  _ than him.

So, she did what any resourceful person would do and fished around for the instruction manual from the glove compartment, pushing aside a pile of mints Boreal had stashed in there (and something  _ else  _ that she pretended not to see because she didn’t want to know what it was). She pulled out the booklet and opened it up, skimming the index.

_ Starting and powering, page 51,  _ she read, annoyed at how apparently there were 50 pages of material to learn  _ before  _ even starting the car. Just what kind of car  _ was  _ this? She wondered here if the problem was cars in general or just the sort Boreal fancied. She skipped through the manual and started at the top of page 51.

“When you open a door, Model X powers on the touchscreen and you can operate all controls,” she read aloud, nodding as indeed she’d noticed the impossible-to-miss screen. “1. Press the brake and 2. Select a gear.”

Ah. The brake. Marisa followed the instructions (looking carefully at the diagrams) and it  _ worked.  _ She knew enough about cars to know the basic gears of drive, park, and reverse. She’d need to reverse the car, so she set it to “R.” The manual said everything she needed to know would be displayed on the touchscreen, so she turned her attention there.

It was, quite sincerely, completely overwhelming. It showed the car and all of its parts, as well as a little camera feed that depicted the driveway behind her. She checked behind her shoulder instinctually, as she would driving a regular car in her world (which she didn’t do very often, but still knew  _ how _ —very vaguely). She only just barely touched the gas pedal and then she was moving. She slammed her foot on the brake due to how quickly it moved and then came  _ crashing  _ to a stop so violently that her chest pumped painfully into the steering wheel.

The brakes of this car were very touchy, apparently. Marisa realized this through narrowed eyes as she sat back to straighten and adjust herself, hoping the sudden lurch forward wouldn't leave a bruise on her collarbone. So much was completely and utterly different about this car and about this world. For just a brief moment, she felt panic course through her, at how she would be able to navigate this world and this technology and these people and this lifestyle.

But she shook herself and turned back around to stare behind her, ignoring the blinking screen and its camera as she gently eased the car into reverse. She was aware of Boreal still watching (she hoped he was  _ sweating  _ and  _ squirming)  _ but kept her eyes in place as she reached the end of the drive. Then, after a brief pause, she began to pull out of it, ready to embark on her adventure.

Another car shot out from behind the shrubbery just then and Marisa stopped, gasping as the car again came to a jarring halt and she went flying into the steering wheel once more.

_ Damn it!  _ she fumed, pulling herself up and just  _ stewing  _ over how ridiculous this was and how her chest now ached from the dual impacts.

It was an unlucky beginning, she supposed as she re-positioned herself once more and slowly backed out again, this time checking the little monitor thingy that showed more than what she could see by craning her head back. It wasn’t so bad, really. It beeped at her if she got too close to something and offered a guiding path for her to follow. It was kind of helpful, actually. This car was so fancy that Marisa wondered if it could drive itself (which it probably actually could).

The other problem Marisa had was that she didn’t know where she was going. The College “wasn’t far from here” but Marisa didn’t press for details because, well, she wanted to escape Boreal’s presence as soon as humanly possible. There was some kind of map on the screen’s display, though, Marisa noticed. She didn’t want to look at it for too long while driving as she was apprehensive enough as it was, but she peeked just a little longer to see if she could make out St. Peter’s College. Was that it there, all the way at the top left? A few blocks down?

Checking the GPS was, in fact, a fatal mistake. Marisa felt something crunch under the car and looked up with horrified eyes to see that she was now on the sidewalk. Her foot slammed on the brake for the third time and now her _ head  _ went banging down onto the steering wheel as she shrieked, vehemently _ shrieked  _ and  _ screamed  _ out all of the frustrations she’d had with this  _ damn  _ car from the very moment she stepped inside of it.

“What’s the  _ matter  _ with you!” she shouted aloud, at the car, at herself—at the universe. She was growing embarrassed now, too, as some people had been walking by and stopped to goggle at her. Some of them looked annoyed, some concerned, but whatever their reactions Marisa was  _ not  _ here for them and quickly jimmied the car back into reverse, checking the camera to make sure it was clear before backing out onto the street and speeding away, the car jerking only just slightly. She saw from her rear-view mirror that she’d knocked over a steel garbage can and made ruts in the grass. She supposed that probably damaged the car, but she didn’t care. She actually found herself smirking, because it did not bother her. In fact, she was  _ glad  _ that she did this and  _ hoped  _ that she messed the car up. She couldn’t  _ wait  _ to see Boreal’s reaction.

By the grace of the Authority himself she somehow found her way over to the College. Signs brandishing  _ St. Peter’s, University of Oxford  _ greeted her as she slowed the car down on the street.

Now she had to park.  _ Oh,  _ she had to do something called  _ parallel  _ parking, she knew, from when Boreal had muttered about it earlier when he’d taken her for that disgusting coffee. She remembered that he’d pulled up slightly beside the front car and then swung into the spot behind him. She mimicked the motion he’d done, where she swerved to the right a little bit before shifting the car into reverse and swinging it to the right and straightening it out to align with the car in front.

As she cranked the steering wheel and made her turn, however, she heard an unsettling noise. The screech of metal pierced her ears and, once again, Marisa snapped her neck around so quickly she pulled a muscle. In doing so, she saw that she actually  _ hit  _ the other car in front of her.

This was  _ not  _ good. Not good at all. Feeling her heart start to beat faster now, Marisa pulled the car back forward and then straightened it out again as it was before she tried to park it. She wasn’t used to driving, but she knew that hitting other people’s cars was a big no-go. Her drivers never did it, and every now and then she’d seen two cars that had collided pulled off to the side of the street with police officers mediating two angry drivers.

Really, this was pretty bad. Even if she  _ could  _ somehow straighten the car out and fit into that spot, the person in front of her would know that she’d hit him. And while she personally didn’t care about their car or Boreal’s or anything about them, it’d cause a  _ scene  _ and be an annoyance. And she was very low on patience and emotional energy at the moment, what with being so close to finding Lyra again and having to endure Boreal’s insufferable presence. 

So she drove away, checking to make sure the coast was clear before revving the engine and going to some back alley. Her anger had only intensified since the sidewalk incident. She was breathing quite heavily now and wondering what,  _ indeed,  _ she was supposed to do and how she was supposed to handle this damn car.

“That’s it,” she finally declared, pulling up by a spot off the side in the alleyway. She didn’t know where she was, but she knew well enough people probably weren’t supposed to park here. There was actually a little sign that said “no parking,” but Marisa simply grimaced at it as she pulled the car in (scraping the dumpster in front of her), shifted the car into park, and then sat there, nostrils flaring and hands gripping the wheel so tightly that her knuckles were white and her fists  _ throbbed  _ with pain.

She simply didn’t care. She could literally, quite sincerely and absolutely, not care any less than she already did. Jumping up with a snarl, she swung the door open and climbed out of the car, leaving it open and running as she stormed back out onto the main road.

Let someone take it. Oh,  _ please,  _ let someone steal this cursed, wretched car so that she can see that smug look evaporate from Boreal’s face. What did he care, anyway? He  _ certainly  _ had enough money to replace it and deal with whatever consequences would happen. He was certainly well off in this little life he’d built for himself. And Marisa certainly did not give one single shit about him or any of his precious possessions.

Perhaps she was being unfair. She rounded the street corner and looked up over the campus. She spotted a clocktower off into the distance and saw groups of young people moving to and fro, likely preparing for class or heading home. She shouldn’t be so ungrateful. Boreal had found Lyra. He’d “entrapped her” (so he claimed). And he gave her the information about this Mary Malone, who Marisa now hunted out of both cold curiosity and deep envy.

Still, she left the car there as she straightened out her suit and headed toward what seemed like central campus. She would be looking for Mary Malone, head physicist of her very own department. For the next few minutes, that’s all Marisa had to worry about. She’d figure out the rest later when she had to.


End file.
